I Didn't Shower for Two Days.

Yup.

I know. 

That's super gross. But it's totally true; I've had a rough week. 

Marriage is hard sometimes. Friendships are hard sometimes. Running a business is hard sometimes. Adulting is hard sometimes. Pursuing my dreams is hard ALL THE TIME. 

I remember being newly engaged and telling someone (with stars in my eyes), "I'm sad that I'll never be heartbroken again because heartbreak makes for much better music."

Boy, was I kidding myself.

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The truth is, heartbreak can happen in the most unsuspecting of ways. In this case, a few things happened, but there's no huge imminent concern, nobody died (thankfully), there's no reason to rush over and check my pulse. For all intents and purposes, I'm totally fine. But I had gotten so used to not feeling my feelings that once I decided to allow myself to feel them, whatever they were, I had too many to handle. And I was just plain exhausted. As much as it was extremely uncomfortable, I really enjoyed being able to be unmasked, even if it was really only with myself.

How many of us are hiding our true feelings from even ourselves out of fear of what would happen if we faced them (I know I'm not helping... you probably don't want to be doomed to showerlessness for two days... oops)? What would happen if we were just real with ourselves and real with each other? What would happen if we took off the "pretty" filter and just decided to be ourselves authentically and unashamedly? 

Today, I feel worlds better and I'm moving forward. And I can't even accurately explain the blip I had this week. It happened. It's over. I'll be in the studio later today, so we might hear it in my song I'm working on... who knows?

 

Sachiko Nuila

Irvine, CA 92618